Decisions

Cancelled my date with the policeman. Made a rain check for tomorrow night. I felt disgusting and fat and ugly; I just couldn't do it.

Broke down and called my best friend crying and lonely. I fucking miss her so much. I've lost 8 pounds since she left. It's sad that most of it wasn't on purpose.

Went over to tubaboy's apartment instead of going on my date. After we played video games until 1 am, we ended up snuggling in bed and it got a little hot and heavy. He stopped it and I felt terrible because he looked like he was full of regrets and thinking about his girlfriend. I offered to leave and he was really sweet about it. He made sure I was okay and told me he didn't want things to be awkward between us. I hope this doesn't fuck up our friendship. I've gotten used to having him around. Should have just stayed home alone.

Had water and coffee today. Some orange juice. One and a half of my mini breakfast burritos. That's all. Definitely under 160 lbs.

Invited my best guy friend over.... he's my ex and plays trumpet in the mariachi I listen to on Fridays. He's coming up to bring me my phone charger and he might stay over. I don't want to be alone right now. I'll binge or throw up or fucking make guys cheat on their girlfriends.

I'm such a bad person.