Damage Control

Had a pretty intense flute lesson that left me brain dead and drained. Professor CUT two of the pieces on my recital. It just went from 45 minutes pushing 50 minutes to 25 minutes at the most. It's so fucking embarrassing. She didn't even listen to the Bach, just cut it along with the Ganne, which needed to be cut. And I had an amazing rehearsal on the Bach with my pianist today RIGHT BEFORE MY LESSON. FUCK. I've only had this music for a month, but I worked my ass off and it still wasn't enough. FUCK.

So now it's just the (1)Persichetti piccolo parable, the balls hard (2)Karg-Elert for flute alone, and the howcaniplayfor15minutesandnotfuckup (3)Taktakishvili for flute and piano. What. the. fuck. ever. I guess I'll just rock the shit out of these three pieces and push the other two back to my senior recital. I really hope I can get recordings on here for y'all. Flute is the one thing in my life I can hold on to... even if I can't make a proper living off of it. And I'm pretty damn awesome... humble, right? But if you don't believe in yourself, who will?

SO... I cried and bitched and broke down and binged. BUT something strange happened. I went to this taco place, ordered the Fatty McFatterpants meal with basically every kind of Mexican food I take comfort in... and then I ate a little over half of it. I say this is strange because I used to be able to eat the whole thing when I binged. Now, I was uncomfortably full after half. YES! And this is a miracle since I just looked up the meal and the website says it's fucking 1490 calories... I had no idea.... I used to binge on 1490 calories....a;jwoiengds;lkcmx. Gross, right? More than that. It's fucking gross.

Food

Breakfast:

-100% All Natural Orange Juice >> 170 calories

-chocolate chip fiber bar with antioxidants >> 120 calories

Bingepants Lunchfuck:

- 5/8 Fatty McFatterpants Meal >> 931.25 calories [yes, I know it's a weird fraction, but I'm convinced it's what I consumed... slightly over half. I'm too obsessed with portions to use a regular number]

Dinner:

-nothing. [Are you kidding me? Why would I eat dinner when I just binged enough to feed a third world country?]

Total: 1221.25 calories

Exercise

-37 minutes of elliptical/stair step machine on high resistance >> 562 calories [I got to the gym late and it was closing in 40 minutes... so I used the time I could wisely :)]

1221.25 - 562 = 659.25 calories for the day

Successfully made up for the emotional bitch fit binge.

(PS. The scale was at 158.5 this morning)