AND I purged. Not as much as I wanted. My ridiculous conscience lets me get to the good part where I see the crust from the pizza or smell the coffee.... and then the instinct kicks in and I think about people that would be pissed if they knew I was doing it again. FUCK THIS. Ugh.
If I can't eat anything right, I shouldn't eat anything at all. Tomorrow will be a water and coffee day. I can't even think about food without being angry right now.
What the hell is wrong with me? I feel like a stranger in my body. Why is there so much of me? I used to have beautiful hip bones and collar bones. My thighs were so much smaller and I didn't have a belly. I could see my ribs. I don't understand this body. My weight fluctuates and I look SO different from day to day. I can see every pound. I'm tired of being fat.
I fill my body with junk and then I have no motivation for practicing. I'm going now to practice. So I don't embarrass myself next week during auditions.
I hope y'all are doing better than me.
B.
4 comments:
Hang in there, pretty! <3
Straight line.. eyes on the prize, it'll be worth it. x
You need a hug, methinks.
-HUG-
It's so hard. But I am really proud of you for eating o healthy and "normal" for the past (almost) month. That's a long time of doing awesome! And you were losing weight the "right" way. Good for you!
Slip-ups are bound to happen. Just try to stay healthy, and perhaps more importantly, stay happy. Whatever that means to you.
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